i choose to be humble

i have cried more this last week than at any point in my life.  i think grady is wondering how to juggle mid-terms and an overly emotional wife.  yikes!  last sunday i lay in bed in tears (yet again...) feeling sorry for myself.  wondering why we haven't meshed with anyone in our new ward.  wondering if i'm ever going to get out of the closet from hell. (my current job requires an 8 hour a day dedication to filing in a closet.  by myself.)  feeling depressed that another month goes by that i'm not pregnant.  basically the summation of my feelings are loneliness.  dear grady studies his little heart out and i'm trying so hard to not annoy the crap out of him.  (i'm at about a 40% success rate...)  monday morning rolls around and of course i'm facebook stalking (my fav.)  grady and i noticed some disheartening comments on our friend josh's page.  josh was diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma a few months ago.  his wife documented his fight here.  josh passed away on monday.  the whole day i kept trying to put myself in his wife's shoes.  trying to understand what she's going through.  the thought came to me "you need to stop trying to put yourself into her shoes, and be grateful for the ones you were put in."   so here goes.

i am grateful for the following:

• my husband.  he puts up with quite a bit.  he is such a hard worker and is so dedicated to his education.  he knows when i need a hug and when i need a good shaking back into reality.  i like to joke that i'm the kite.  flailing in the wind crazily trying to soar out of reality.  grady is the string.  stabilizes me.  helps guide me through realistic expectations.
• my family.  i'm blessed with an incredible family.  i have no beef with my siblings.  isn't that great?  i know a lot of families that some of the siblings don't get along.  sad.  both of our parents are beyond helpful and supportive of our great ideas, and allow us to make mistakes in our stupid ideas.
• the gospel.  i was incredibly grateful this week specifically for the plan of salvation.  i'm happy to know that our friend josh and megan have a marriage that will last for eternity.  i'm grateful for modern day prophets that speak to us at a minimum of twice a year.  they are literally the mouthpieces of God.  i'm grateful for ward families that with take you in when you are far from home and help you feel a part of something.
• a job.  although it is not what i envisioned myself doing at 27 years of age, it's a job.  God has always blessed grady and i with jobs when we needed them at pay rates that met our needs.
• education.  in all forms.  i would never trade the knowledge grady and i gained while he was a mortgage broker and i building a clientele doing hair.  we learned a lot.  we learned about having 2 cars stolen in 6 mos.  we learned about putting car repairs on credit cards and paying them off later.  we learned about making a lot of money and then making not so much money in a very short time.  we learned how to live off of two 100% commission based careers.  we learned that eating out gets you two things: a larger waste line and a smaller savings.  and much more.  i'm grateful for my job doing hair.  i have met a lot of people and developed relationships i never would have had if i didn't do hair.  i've saved us thousands in cuts, colors, skin care, etc.  i love sharing my knowledge as well.  what's information if you don't share it?  i'm grateful for the education grady is receiving.  we're already becoming the crazy chiropractic extremists we knew we'd be.  :D
• health.  more than ever i'm grateful for my husband and i's health.  in the last year grady and i have made some serious changes in lifestyle and i'm really grateful for the education in healthy cooking we received from my brother.  i love when people hear how we eat and think we're insane.
• possibility.  although there is a lot of heartache going through infertility, i'm grateful for faith in the possibility of having children someday with my grady.  they might not be the children i carry, but i hope that at some point Heavenly Father will bless me with a family.

i have a lot to be thankful for and i'd feel pretty pathetic if i didn't recognize.  my dad said to me this week, "the Lord will have a humble people.  we can choose to be humble or the Lord will humble us."  today i choose to be humble.

Grambo

While Grady and I sat at the food court at Costco, I told him that my non-fat swirl frozen yogurt reminded me of my Grandma Turley. I told him about how my grandma would call over to my house and ask my mom if I wanted to "go to lunch with her". It always meant Costco. Now this was when Costco was Price Club and it was located off Grand Avenue. We'd "lunch" on samples. Mini quiche, deli cut meat, blueberry muffins baked that morning in their bakery, etc. I remember being very young when Price Club started a little frozen yogurt cart right outside their exit. My grandma always bought chocolate and we'd share. Eventually Price Club became Costco and my cousins and I refused to call it Costco. We protested with heart! Costco added a few foods to their food court including the hot dogs and polish sausages. At that point my grandma would get us a non-fat chocolate frozen yogurt and a polish sausage for my grandpa. What a woman! After I finished my overly detailed story of the rise and fall of Price Club (in my mind) Grady said to me, "I love hearing about your stories of your grandma. My grandmas always lived so far, it was such a different experience for me". This made me think. My whole life I lived less than a half mile from my grandma. When I started my freshman year of high school, my family moved. NEXT DOOR TO MY GRANDPARENTS! I loved it. My mom warned us during the moving process that we couldn't "bug" grandma and grandpa all the time. There were jokes thrown around that we'd knock the fence down between the two yards and just wander between houses. I wish that actually had happened, it would have saved my little brother and I the energy of having to hop the fence! In honor of Valentine's Day, I told Grady another story of my Grandma Turley. Every Valentine's Day my grandma made the HUGEST sugar cookies. I swear they we're the size of my head! She made one for every grandchild. Now, I have a large family which meant a lot of cookies. She decorated each cookie and took the time to pipe our name in cursive with white frosting. I love my grandma's cursive. We cherished those cookies. They were so pretty we almost didn't want to eat them. The older I got, the more I wanted to savor each bite of the cookie and always ate my white piped name last. Valentine's Day will forever be a giant sugar cookie with my name piped in cursive with white frosting. A few years after we moved into our house next to grandma and grandpa, we were driving past Horizon Elementary and a huge tumbleweed blew in front our car. My mom, little brother and I all died laughing. (those who are not from Arizona, tumbleweeds don't blow in front of your car everyday like they portray in the movies, it never happens) My mom said, "kids, go grab that tumbleweed and put it in the back of the van!". So we did. She drove home and said, "let's put it in front of grandma's door". So we did. Now, my grandma is the cleanest person on the earth. She is so clean, she sweeps the gutter in front of her house. The gutter. So we thought, this will be so funny! Grandma will freak! A few hours later, we had completely forgotten about the tumbleweed, but were quickly reminded by the phone ringing. I answered. The only words spoken were "Liz, get this tumbleweed out from in front of my door". I laughed for like an hour. So why do these small things have such a deep impression on me? I think it's because my grandma is my hero. She's not your typical hugs and kisses, buy you a frilly dress for your birthday grandma. She's the type that lets you eat an entire pack of her Trident wintermint gum in the first 45 seconds you've walked into her house. She's the type of grandma that knows you put on her Oil of Olay lotion in her bathroom and pretends you didn't just waste $5 of her eye creme. She's the type of grandma that pays you $20 to stop talking for an entire day, because you are annoying the crap out of her. She's the type of grandma that laughs when you tell her you need "ingredients" for a recipe you are making, and the ingredients you need are milk and chocolate milk mix...and makes you a glass of chocolate milk, because she loves you. She's the type of grandma I hope to be. I am grateful for my grandma's example of strength, hard work and Christ-like love. She is my hero and I hope to be half the woman she is.

for my sanity?

it's been 12 days. i thought i would really enjoy "down time" considering the last 6+ years of my life have been constant craziness. not the case. i'm BOOOOORED. i feel like if i have a job, i will be less annoying when grady comes home & needs to study & i just really want to have a conversation with someone other than myself (yes i have resorted to talking to myself...hate on me haters). so what have i accomplished in 12 days?

• discovered that although i am *quite* weak i can assist grady in hauling an entire sectional, a 200 lb. desk (yes... literally 200 lbs.), a 150 lb. entertainment center, our awkward not easily moved mattress and the rest of our belongings up a flight of stairs. hoo-rah! (<--- that's a marine reference)
• spent more hours than i am willing to disclose cruising craigslist looking for furniture and a job. i have yet to purchase a piece of furniture from there or get a job. waste of time?
• watched all 3 seasons of "16 and pregnant" and am working on "teen mom". wow. just wow.
• vacuumed our apartment about 30 times. our new vacuum works, so that is great!
• called in 3 work orders to our apartment complex. it's nice to be on the other end of the phone calls for once. (*side note: although a large brick wall in your living room and dining room creates a very awesome look to your place, it also leads to incredible drafts and many hours of maintenance staff to be in your apartment numerous days in a row)
• entertained our first house guests. yay for having a second bedroom! we are so happy brandt and jeannetter and babies came to stay and get me out of a funk. i needed it.

everyone pray that i get a job. for my sanity and the sake of grady's grades. i need to be busy. srsly.

on the road again

we have made it to st. louis! i thought it would be entertaining to document the things i learned while traveling across a few states.

Arizona:

• the one state that we encountered snow during our trip. ironic, right? everyone thinks it's tumbleweeds, cactus and cowboys.
• the burger king right of I-40 and Butler Ave. has the most fresh fast food has browns ever. like they burned my mouth.
• we stopped in the small town of Joseph City. population 1400. this is where my grandma and grandpa grew up and fell in love. i took a picture in front of the home my grandma grew up in.

New Mexico:

• new mexico was a blur. and by a blur, i mean i slept through 85% of it.
• we stayed in a day's inn in Albuquerque that has a classy little IHOP next door. 20% discount from uhaul on the room which gave us a 20% discount on our dinner. that's a 40% savings.... i think? also, our hotel had plumbing issues and our sink was filled with some previous guest's hair. yum.

Texas:

• texas smells like dirty diapers. seriously. we thought it would go away, but it just kept getting worse.
• we were really tired from driving the day before, so we ended up sleeping through breakfast and ate at yet another burger king in texas. their hash browns were less than fresh.
• i finally found my favorite gum at a dumpy gas station in Shamrock. it's orbit's raspberry lemon dew. it's like an excellent glass of raspberry lemonade in gum form.

Oklahoma:

• i met a really nice man at a gas station in oklahoma. i don't remember why he was nice, but i remember thinking to myself after i got in the car, "that's a nice man".
• oklahoma city was less than appealing to grady and i. i don't know why, but we weren't really into it.
• we paid 2 tolls in oklahoma that added up to $20.00. i think we paid about $18.00 too much. we had to pull over to a gas station to get cash the exit before the toll because they don't take check, debit or credit cards. just cash. the gas station didn't give cash back on a purchase. awesome.
• we went to the mcdonalds across the parking lot to see if they would give cash back. they didn't either. so we spent $2.75 in fees to use the generic ATM in the mickey d's to get enough cash for the toll.
• never drive through smoke on the freeway. we saw about 50 of these signs off the freeway and decided to utilize google and find out why. in oklahoma they burn the brush on the side of the freeway and the smoke causes no visibility. weird.
  

Missouri:

• missouri has more adult bookstores/video stores than i've ever seen in my life. on the flip side, it has the most churches i've ever seen in my life. ironic.
• we got taken by about 40 HUGE billboards for a knife factory in a small town off I-44. it was pathetic. we laughed for about it for 10 minutes after getting back into the car.
• we drove past a boat factory and were blown away by all the boats parked outside. i'm talking like 10,000+ boats. it was crazy!
• grady pointed out a semi carrying piglets next to us. they were sticking their little snouts through the grates in the truck biting at the air. we were so moved by these little babies, i had to take a picture of it. (btw, taking a picture of a moving vehicle out the window of another moving vehicle makes for a SUPER blurry picture)
• speaking of piglets, missouri has a "ferrel hog" problem. as in, you need to report those "ferrel hogs" to the local authorities. i can only imagine.
• we had to go to the original Bass Pro Shop in branson, because... well i don't know why, but it was pretty cool!

i decided i need to travel via car more frequently because i learned so much about the places we went through. also, in case you were wondering, route 66 dissolved into what is now I-40, I-44 and I-55. this i discovered about 12 hours into being on what was route 66. i felt stupid.

we have been really busy the last 3 days getting our apt in order and replacing all of the things i crazily sold in a whirlwind of insanity. someone slap me next time i sell all of our stuff.

1 week

we start our journey to dorothy-land in 1 week. wow. the last 5 months have flown by. things i wish i did while in phx:

1. attend theater 168 it's the place grady & i were engaged. memories.
2. eat at my favorite spots, ie: flo's kitchen, fajitas, first watch and many more.
3. spend more time just talking to friends and family
4. spend less time working
5. lay in the sun at least an hour a day (i am going to miss the sun...)
6. shop. it's so hard to find those super secret spots with great deals when you move to a new place.
7. attend a diamondback's game. i gave up sweet tickets a few times this season... sad.
8. go to the dermalogica education center and spend our savings on skin products. i could. don't try me.
9. get to know my primary class better. i loved those 6 rascals. as crazy and busy as six 6 year old boys can be after being expected to sit perfectly still for 2 hours straight, they made me laugh every week. i kinda want to come back in a few years and see what they're up to. they might just still be stripping down to complete nakedness in the bathroom. yes, that did happen.
10. spend more time with my mom. i love my mom. she is like the funniest person, but has no idea she is. she makes me smile. (full house music in the background)

as sad as i am to leave, i'm really ready to get started in st. louis. i want to walk through our apartment, furnish said apartment, attend our ward, listen eagerly while grady describes his first day of chiro school, and get a FREAKING job. (yes if you know someone in st. louis hiring, please hook a sister up...)

things i'm looking forward to in st. louis:

1. it's green there. like REALLY green.
2. i will experience spring and fall for the first time in my life.
3. going to a cardinals game. busch stadium here i come!
4. go to the butterfly house. am i a nerd?
5. open all of my stuff up!!! i miss my things. so. bad.
6. making our new apartment smell like us. you know how people's apartments/homes have specific smells? i hope ours is good. let me know if it isn't.
7. have visitors. my parents are coming in march & i'm really excited!
8. getting free adjustments at the school. grady & i really love Logan and i can't wait to go to the clinic.
9. i want to know what our callings are in our new ward. after my first experience in primary this last year, i wouldn't complain if i was put back in as a teacher- primary is the fun version of sunday school... am i right?
10. cook for myself. as great as it has been to have most every meal made for me, i'm ready to take what i've learned from my brother and put it to good use.

Never say never

no this is not a justin bieber tribute post. sorry 12 yr old girls.

i said i would "never live with my parents or in-laws". well that went down the tubes when we decided to do grady's internship in phx. it was live with them or continue our version of H-E-doublehockeysticks in the arctic tundra that is rexburg. i chose to eat my words and try it out. i was wrong. very Very VERY wrong. not only do we get to spend crazy amounts of time with both families, but i also get a ride to work with my dad. (did i mention in addition to my dad allowing me and my husb to crash his pad for 5 mos-he gave me a job... yeah.)

the good:

• i live with my parents (whom i love...alot).
• i live with my bro and his wife. my bro is in culinary school. it's rough letting him practice on us. jokes.jokes. it's delish. i am now a food snob because of it.
• i get to re-decorate my mom's house on her dime. who would hate that?! we are currently working on the bathroom, living room and tv room. simultaneously. my dad wants to murder me.
• i have lost 7 lbs. mostly because my entire family decided to live a "paleo lifestyle" together. let's just say it's working.

the bad:

• i live in maybe 175 sq feet. it's hard.
• my belongings (which are most likely garbage) are sitting in 175 sq. feet of my in-law's spare bedroom. ***i'm sorry roberta***
• i don't want to move now.

the ugly:

• people have to see me without make-up... get it? ugly, make-up? ok...

i guess i just needed to blog my feelings on the subject matter that i was wrong. and that i'm grateful for a great family. and the time we have to enjoy 85 degree weather. (yeah rexburg- eat your heart out!)

Why I never blog.

Top 5 Reasons I don't blog:

5. I traded in my camera for a TV. true. priorities people.... have you SEEN Real Housewives of New Jersey?! From this one can conclude:

BLOGS + Pictures= worth reading ; BLOGS - pictures= boring.

4. For the last 4 years of my life, I have held jobs that require my seclusion from the outside world. things get scary.... and NO ONE wants to see me in my "I-haven't-had-social-interaction-in-15-hours" state.

3. In the last 5 weeks i have spent an absurd amount of time trying to befriend 2 cats. 1 of which is literally the spawn of Satan and i'm 99% sure she dreams of murdering my entire family. the other is probably the most patient, but un-interested animal on the face of the planet. am i the crazy cat lady?!

2. Besides reading hilarious (by hilarious i mean these people need help) craig's list and BYU-Idaho Bulletin Board postings, i spend the rest of my "relaxing time" reading people.com, usmagazine.com and sitting on the couch watching "Sweet Home Alabama" for the 12th time on TBS. Side note: why does my dad love this movie enough to re-watch it EVERY TIME it's on TV? makes me laugh.

1. I spend too much time getting mad at my friends who don't update their blogs to update mine!