can i see your membership card please?

recently:

• i was offered a job at Costco
• i was told it was "part time".... evidently this means 32-38 hours per week.
• i am continuing to work at the Toyota dealership
• i'm pretty sure my boss wants to kill me.  calling in 3 out of 5 days in a work week because i have work at Costco probably is not helping anything
•  my normal lunch consists of one of the following:  berry smoothie, berry yogurt, a hotdog  and soda.  on some Saturdays i will cruise the store and check out the samples.  pretty sweet.
• my arm muscles are toning up and despite the daily berry smoothies i've lost a few lbs.  i lift everything out of member's carts and then place it back into a new cart.  i am also personally responsible for running back EVERY SINGLE individual item that a member either chooses to not purchase, gets a broken/rotten/not up to par item, or the item has no tag on it.   and when i say running... i literally mean running. plus side?  i no longer need a gym membership.
• in a few months grady and i will again have health insurance.  and it is thee best health insurance.  medical, dental, vision that will run us about $100 a month.  i know.

here are some Costco secrets that i will share with the 4 people that read my super secret blog:

• for every dollar spent at Costco, the company profits only $0.02.  insane.  the company chooses to make less money in order to show the staff their appreciation for hard work.  in turn, the employees are usually top notch.  if someone is not busily working every second of their shift, they probably won't make it.
• they start pay out higher than any other competitor in their category, and give consistent raises.  so, that person who is on their hands and knees cleaning the coffin cooler holding the pork loins, they are probably making like $18.00 an hour.  the same with the person pushing carts, cleaning the toilets, and wiping up the tables covered in pizza sauce and loose strings of melted cheese.
• the cleanliness of the store is top priority.  there is a "procedure" for how granola bar boxes are stacked, how they face the aisle, etc.  it's actually really stressful.  also, not a single droplet of condensation on the floor can be left, a loose petal off a plant stomped into the concrete or a nut off those dang hand dipped ice cream bars not be swept up.  it's dramatic how important the upkeep of the store is.
• all managers of Costco are promoted from within the company.  every manager has had to load and unload carts, push carts, clean up messes, etc.  it's been nice for me to know that my manager had to do the same stuff i'm doing.
• if they are sampling it, i'm willing to wager over 80% of the customers will have at least one of those items in their cart.  samples work.

here are some annoying things.  please don't do the following:

• when they ask for your membership... they actually need it.  we can't start a transaction without it and it hold up the line.  it's really annoying.
• when they ask for your coupons... they actually need them.  the manufacturers are threatening to pull coupons from Costco because they don't have the physical coupons back.
• don't be annoyed when you pick up 1 pack of muffins, but they come in packs of two.  it's not our fault you were willing to pay double what we are willing to charge.
• please don't randomly throw/knock/move every single book in the ridiculously high piled book stacks.  it does take me and hour and a half to sort through the stacks at the end of the day.
• please don't try to pack your own cart when there are people there to help you.  it is the most intricate game of tetris, and we do it for 8 hours a day.  i'm pretty sure i know how to pack those boxes 1000x better than you can.
• don't complain when we are trying to upgrade your membership.  it is not a credit card.  it's not a gimmick.  it's not a commission based job.  Costco is actually trying to thank you for purchasing a ridiculous amount of mayonnaise and wet wipes, they want to send you a check so you can spend MORE money on an above ground pool and 4 bottles of 600 count ibuprofen.  if you spend enough money, the executive membership is a killer deal.

here are some items we are currently carrying that you should try out:

• organic carrot juice.  comes in a 3 pack.  in the refrigerated section.  it's bomb.
• chicken kabobs in the freezer section.  they come in these weird vacuum sealed plastic packages.  pre-cooked and sell like hot cakes...er sell like kabobs?
• teriyaki pineapple meatballs.  freezer section.  they are amazing.
• notebook packages.  if you are stocking up for work or school, the binder packages are ridiculously cheap.
• blintzes.  they are sooooo good.  deli section.

i think i was made for this job.