i choose to be humble

i have cried more this last week than at any point in my life.  i think grady is wondering how to juggle mid-terms and an overly emotional wife.  yikes!  last sunday i lay in bed in tears (yet again...) feeling sorry for myself.  wondering why we haven't meshed with anyone in our new ward.  wondering if i'm ever going to get out of the closet from hell. (my current job requires an 8 hour a day dedication to filing in a closet.  by myself.)  feeling depressed that another month goes by that i'm not pregnant.  basically the summation of my feelings are loneliness.  dear grady studies his little heart out and i'm trying so hard to not annoy the crap out of him.  (i'm at about a 40% success rate...)  monday morning rolls around and of course i'm facebook stalking (my fav.)  grady and i noticed some disheartening comments on our friend josh's page.  josh was diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma a few months ago.  his wife documented his fight here.  josh passed away on monday.  the whole day i kept trying to put myself in his wife's shoes.  trying to understand what she's going through.  the thought came to me "you need to stop trying to put yourself into her shoes, and be grateful for the ones you were put in."   so here goes.

i am grateful for the following:

• my husband.  he puts up with quite a bit.  he is such a hard worker and is so dedicated to his education.  he knows when i need a hug and when i need a good shaking back into reality.  i like to joke that i'm the kite.  flailing in the wind crazily trying to soar out of reality.  grady is the string.  stabilizes me.  helps guide me through realistic expectations.
• my family.  i'm blessed with an incredible family.  i have no beef with my siblings.  isn't that great?  i know a lot of families that some of the siblings don't get along.  sad.  both of our parents are beyond helpful and supportive of our great ideas, and allow us to make mistakes in our stupid ideas.
• the gospel.  i was incredibly grateful this week specifically for the plan of salvation.  i'm happy to know that our friend josh and megan have a marriage that will last for eternity.  i'm grateful for modern day prophets that speak to us at a minimum of twice a year.  they are literally the mouthpieces of God.  i'm grateful for ward families that with take you in when you are far from home and help you feel a part of something.
• a job.  although it is not what i envisioned myself doing at 27 years of age, it's a job.  God has always blessed grady and i with jobs when we needed them at pay rates that met our needs.
• education.  in all forms.  i would never trade the knowledge grady and i gained while he was a mortgage broker and i building a clientele doing hair.  we learned a lot.  we learned about having 2 cars stolen in 6 mos.  we learned about putting car repairs on credit cards and paying them off later.  we learned about making a lot of money and then making not so much money in a very short time.  we learned how to live off of two 100% commission based careers.  we learned that eating out gets you two things: a larger waste line and a smaller savings.  and much more.  i'm grateful for my job doing hair.  i have met a lot of people and developed relationships i never would have had if i didn't do hair.  i've saved us thousands in cuts, colors, skin care, etc.  i love sharing my knowledge as well.  what's information if you don't share it?  i'm grateful for the education grady is receiving.  we're already becoming the crazy chiropractic extremists we knew we'd be.  :D
• health.  more than ever i'm grateful for my husband and i's health.  in the last year grady and i have made some serious changes in lifestyle and i'm really grateful for the education in healthy cooking we received from my brother.  i love when people hear how we eat and think we're insane.
• possibility.  although there is a lot of heartache going through infertility, i'm grateful for faith in the possibility of having children someday with my grady.  they might not be the children i carry, but i hope that at some point Heavenly Father will bless me with a family.

i have a lot to be thankful for and i'd feel pretty pathetic if i didn't recognize.  my dad said to me this week, "the Lord will have a humble people.  we can choose to be humble or the Lord will humble us."  today i choose to be humble.